A year ago today…

I am feeling oddly nostalgic today. It’s been one year since I moved out from my apartment at Saint Anselm College for the last time and said goodbye to my college. It has been one year since I finished my last service project there, the Food, Clothing and Furniture drive. One year ago today I was sitting in a restaurant celebrating with 20+ other students, relishing the last hours together before summer and celebrating the triumph that is the FCF drive. And even though it was a year ago it feels like yesterday. And For some reason it brings an dull ache to my heart, as if I wished I could do it all over again and be there again. But I know that this is not what I actually wish to do, in fact I don’t think I would even choose college for my do-over years, because the experience I had there is one that shaped me into who I was before I came to Honduras and frankly, college was not the best years of my life (thank-god, because I’m pretty young still!) But I am slightly envious of those getting ready to graduate and who just celebrated the capstone of their college career, because that was my favorite time in college. It was a list of lasts, and the sense of community on campus was never better and everyone finally stopped worrying so much about tests, and due dates and lived in the moment because there wasn’t a lot of time left. And that was refreshing. So I guess I miss the feeling of being with my class, soaking up the final days of college and getting ready for life.

A little story on the FCF drive:
The FCF drive is something unique to Saint Anselm College. It has been in existence for past 5 years, maybe 6 and was founded by a student who saw a great need and a great waste of goods. Each year when students moved out at the end of the year, they left behind furniture, clothing and miscellaneous goods that just couldn’t fit in the car or were unwanted. Most of it got thrown out even though a percentage was in very good condition and perfectly usable. So they started a drive to collect these goods and give them to needy families and programs in the Manchester area. It is a daunting task each year with thousands of donations, 3 u-huals and a group of 15-20 students and one monk (plus the financial backing of many groups within the school!) but every year it gets done. Between 60-75 families receive new furniture, appliances ect. from this drive and for the students it is exhausting but also gratifying. It is the best way one could wish to end their school year coming together as a community and getting to know students you might not otherwise have met. It brings the best of the best together and it’s just kind of fun to be the only ones left on campus.

FCF Today
I called Christina Cavanaro this morning to see how the drive was going this year and she gushed about it for probably 10 mins. I was so happy to hear how everything had been going. They helped our 70 families and found good organizations to act as a catch-all. They were able to put all the donation in the Hockey arena this year which made the sorting process 10x easier and the group of kids was stellar. She said she is excited for the drive to continue in the coming years and it sounds like as the years go on the FCF drive becomes a better working program, with less stress and more fun. So I suppose for this I wish I could do the craziness all over again. There are few opportunities like that in life and I was blessed to have been a part of it. Good work to all the students involved in the drive this year. Please know that you do inspire others and you make a difference in people’s lives, even if it is only minimal. The best part about the drive isn’t just giving away things but having the rare opportunity to learn about the people you are donating to and St.A’s kids have a knack for doing that.

Live for Today
I wish the best of luck to all those graduating a week from now. I hope that you chase your dreams, tackle them and get what you want in life. I have realized from this year of service that living for each day is better than always living for tomorrow. So appreciate each day and don’t wish your time away, be patient.

Oscarito

There are moments for me, where I can actually feel a shift in the person I am becoming. It comes from experiencing life. It can come from the littlest moments to the more obviously profound moments. It can be overwhelming and sometimes might not even be noticeable until after the fact. I have been fortunate enough to have had this feeling at the Hogar more times than I can count and it is helping to shape me into the woman I will one day be. I thought that I would share an experience that is ongoing but has opened my eyes.

A few weeks ago, we met Oscarito. He came to us from a hospital in Santa Rosa, Copan. The second I saw him, I felt something shift in my body. My heart, at the same time, felt immense love for this boy and dropped to my stomach. He was frail, in his eyes there was clear heart break and loss and he was incredibly beautiful. He has the longest eyelashes I have ever seen, and a certain softness to him. He came to us after spending the last month in the hospital, recuperating. Oscar was found on the Guatemalan/Honduran border alone and almost dead. The doctors say he is between the ages of 3 and 8 and he is so severely malnourished that he cannot easily walk, nor is he able to communicate through speech. Oscarito only weighs 28lbs. You can see the outline of his entire ribcage, his butt is non-existent and you can see all the bumps of his spine. But in his face, you can see the face of God. And in his big brown eyes, there is a normal boy, fighting to get out.

He came to us with the escort of 4 nuns from Mother Teresa’s order. They had sent us many children from their own orphanage and they are some of the fiercest women I have had the pleasure of meeting and all incredibly intelligent. They hopped out of the truck, with huge smiles on their faces, dishing out hugs like it was their job and one was holding onto Oscarito. I don’t know what I was expecting when Wilson told me we were getting a new kid who was severely malnourished but I am not sure anything could have prepared me for seeing him. I think the best way to describe it is shock. Like I said, he was frail and was so malnourished that he looked oddly inhuman. But here he was in sea of white and blue habits with big curious eyes. I have never experienced love at first sight until I laid eyes on him.

The nun handed little Oscar to Wilson to hold and he brought him through the front gates of the hogar. I was there to take pictures and while Wilson held him for a few minutes while I examined Oscar through a different lens. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. A few minutes later, Wilson asked me if I wanted to hold Oscar and I said “Sure, why not.” He passed Oscar to me and I immediately felt like I was going to drop him. It was another surprise that I was not expecting when meeting this boy, he wasn’t heavy but the way he held his body or let it slack felt weird and made it awkward to hold him. He was as light as a feather and there was no meat to be found on his bones and I was overcome with sadness. He had been through so much in his short life and he had survived it. How could somebody love him so little? How could it get this bad? How did he get this way? How could God allow this to happen? I held back the tears and gave him a big smile the only thing that I could do and I just stared at his eyes. And he just stared right back into mine.

For the rest of the day I watched him. My eyes were naturally drawn to him, just like his eyes tracked food or drink wherever it went. He ate readily and if he had it his way, he would eat nonstop – I am sure. But it is a long road to recovery and he has to start off small and with the basics. So he is fed small portions, with space in between bites. When he first go here, he was continuously vomit after ingesting food. Not because his stomach couldn’t handle it, but because he wanted to taste the food again. Heartbreaking. I think in the past few weeks he has begun to realize that food will be a staple in his daily life. I hope he realizes that he won’t be deprived of it again, like he had been. But maybe this knowledge will come with time.

Oscarito has only been here for a few weeks and since his first day, and he has improved. He is slowly gaining weight. He is getting better with eating food and he is smiling a lot. His story is more common than it should be, and luckily he was found before the damage to his body became too much. He is part of the Amigos de Jesus family and I am so thankful that of all the places he could have ended up, he came here. The kids love him already and Oscarito can’t offer them much in return but they love him anyway, without condition. I am blessed to be a witness of his life. I hope that one day, there won’t be such injustice in this life.